So today is my birthday

Today is my birthday but i have class till 9pm today :( and just to get home, i need to travel like an hour which means that the only time i have when i get home is to sleep. Welp that college life of a 22 year old for ya .

That is really scary

You know the feeling when you got too scared and cant move your body? That moment when you can only just sit there and stare at something you think shouldn't even be happening? Well that thing just happened to me a few moments ago.

I was just lying on my bed, reading some light novels and or playing games. Then i just had a instinctive body movement to just stop whatever I was doing then look directly to my right. At that moment, I saw it. A cup, I think half empty, floating in mid air. Just three feet away from me. I was in disbelief that I just sat there and stared at it for like a minute. I mean it just floated there as if it is on an invisible table or something. Then after that minute which felt like it lasted for an hour it just fell to the ground, spilling everything and making my bag(it was on the floor) wet. That's when I felt like running downstairs and just talked about it with my grandmother.

I know that somehow, in this house, there is someone or something since this isn't the first time that something like that happened. I don't want to see that kind of thing happening anytime soon but I doubt it won't.

okay nightmare

What a bad day to start, not only did I have a nightmare, I also woke up at like 1:30 am and can't sleep anymore. AND I have to go to school with less than 2 hours of sleep, not because of school, but rather that unpleasant nightmare.

That nightmare was horrible. At first I was like, walking around then destroyed something. Then this man(he looked like my cousin but a bit more brutish) then he got angry at me and chased me out. a few moments later I entered another area which is like an arcade. but the thing it only looks like an arcade at first glance. but in reality its actually a sex slave shop. I was shocked and walked back. I accidentally broke one of the machines the same man from earlier chased me out with a knife. He was yelling at me and I also started to call out for my mother and grand mother. I was so scared that the moment he touched me, I woke up.

That was rather a vivid dream, no wait a nightmare.  It was so vivid that I scared me for real and made me stand up in the middle of the night. I'm sweating a lot even though the AC is on full throttle and the temperature is shy of 5 degrees Celsius since the area around the AC is already wet from the coldness(well that's just my estimate) but still I'm sweating profusely. At that point, I can no longer sleep thus i just went and read the book instead while lying down to make me sleep. It worked but I need to go to school by 11 am and my grandma woke me up at 7 am (I fell asleep at 6 T^T)

Sigh. I don't know what to do about It since it have been a few days since things like this keeps on happening. Like on the other day, I tried to sleep but i just laid there on my bed eyes closed with nothing happening for 5 hours trying to sleep but cant. I know this might be a medical condition or a psychological issue but I can do nothing about it.

Oh well, I'll just leave it to fate for now.

okay im really nervous right now

Tomorrow is the day that i will find out if my probationary status will be mentioned and also the day of my enrollment which is scaring me since if i ever fail again, i would get debarred and might loose my dream. I don't know how to get a job for now since i think i got a pretty sheltered life and didn't know what to do. i'm also too shy to do so. I'm contemplating on getting a part time job. specifically a call center agent, but the thing is, I don't really know how to even apply for one.

I think, verbally, i am good enough in speaking english for a call center agent. The only issue is the application and the time since in my college schedule, most of my subjects will go from 7 am to 9 pm (with breaks ranging from 2 hours-5 hours) which will make studying even harder. I wanted to try as the fast food employee but then again im not social enoguh for it.

Sigh....

well, I just hope i get the proper motivation to actually get a job so that even though it might only give small income, i think i can reduce the burden from the school tuition fee which occupies like 2/3 of our monthly income.

Shelter ... The feels.

Okay. I just watched this music video and made me feel the feels T^T

It made me feel like, will my parents do the same? But thinking about it, I don't want that. I'd rather go with them than an eternity of loneliness. I mean , that is one of my biggest fears.

Well, just thinking about it made me feel a bit sad inside. Giving them everything material but leaving them alone is a bit cruel. Like on the video, the final act of love is one of the most cruel thing i have ever seen. The father should have let her "go" with him so she wont be so lonely for that long (7-8 years?) in that endless void

I think that the girl should have been given the choices instead of just letting her go to live but feel the extreme loneliness. The choice of leaving "The World" with him or Live.

PIZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I don't know how often should or would i post in this form but as of now, my mood just got fixed since they ordered pizza(yes. pizza in my country is like a party food). The surprising thing is, 2 boxes of 18 inch pizza just vanished in under 5 minutes along with potato wedges among just 5 people (i ate like 4 slices?).

I didn't expect them to order pizza even though my grades were terrible.

welp. i just hope i can keep this mood up.

School ...

Recently , school has ended and the start of the new term is approaching. its actually starting this Wednesday an most likely be like a regular college days for me. Engineering Isn't as easy as i thought.

One downside is that i managed to fail like 3/4 of the courses I'm taking last term and i will be in the probationary status. i just found out about it this morning and it's making me scared and kind of hating myself and on how i managed to fail like 3 subjects in one go. I feel so stupid because of that. 

Earlier this morning, I don't know why but suicide went along with my thoughts but i managed to make it subside (thanks Dante Alighieri). I'm not religious in any form or shape but i still believe in God so i think i can avoid doing that.

Anyways, i just hope things go well on the next few days and someway or another turn things around. I hope.